Meditation is an ideal way to pray. Using God's word (Lectio Divina) allows me to hear, listen and reflect on what the Lord wants to say to me - to one of his disciples - just like He did two thousand years ago.
The best time to reflect is at the beginning of the day and for at least 15 to 30 minutes.
Prior to going to sleep, read the Mass readings for the next day and then, in the morning, reflect on the Meditation offered on this website.
I hope these daily meditations allow you to know, love and imitate the Lord in a more meaningful way.
God bless you!


Monday, October 7, 2013

Mother-Daughter Relationships

This past Sunday, I celebrated a 'Mother-Daughter Mass' at Ursuline Academy.  I would like to share with you my words to them. 

Good morning my dear moms and daughters!  What a beautiful sight you are.  Only the Lord could have picked a more fitting responsorial psalm for today's special occasion:  If today you hear your 'mother's voice', harden not your hearts!  (cf. Ps. 95:8).

TO YOU, DAUGHTERS:

1.  Love your mom.  I will say it again:  Love your mom.  Give your mom a hug right now!  Honor your mother.  She gets very little credit and very little sleep.  Don't expect your mom to agree with you.  Expect her to be honest with you.  Don't demand that she be your best friend.  Demand that she be your only mom!

2.  Don't ask her to do the impossible.  Don't ask her to stay out of your life.  Don't ask her to leave you - alone and frightened.  Don't ask her to get out of your room.  Well...okay.  I guess that one doesn't really matter.

3.  Stop telling lies.  Stop it!  Stop telling your friends that you hate your mom.  Stop telling your mom that you hate her!  This is the second biggest lie in the world.  Do you know what the greatest lie is?  That your mother hates you!  That is, my dear daughters, the biggest lie you could ever say. 

How can you even think that?  After all, she spends over $15,000 dollars a year to send you to one of the most prestigious private (and Catholic) schools in the country!  I know what you're thinking:  "Father, she's sending me here so that I can take care of her when she gets old."  Nonsense!  "She's sending me here so that she can relive her glory days through me."  Well, that may be true...but it doesn't matter because now you can play Lacrosse while your mother could only play Field Hockey!

Oh, and before I forget.  Stop saying that your mother would kill you if she ever found out you did something terrible.  That's another big lie.  NEVER!  Impossible.  Believe me, she will help you. 

4.  Trust your mother.  There is an old Italian proverb:  "When I was five-years-old, my mother and father knew everything.  When I was ten-years-old my mother and father knew a lot of things.  When I was sixteen-years-old my mother and father knew nothing.  When I was forty-years-old, I wish my mother and father were still around."

Trust your mother.  She will tell you what very few friends will tell you. She will tell you the truth.  She will remind you of just how much you are worth:  her life.  

5.  Don't let any guy get between you and your mother.  There is no other relationship on earth that even comes close to a mother-daughter relationship.  This is a relationship conceived in heaven, fulfilled on earth and lived out by every mother, regardless of her race, creed or nationality.  It is a relationship that is guaranteed for life.  It is also a sort of insurance policy for success!

If you've ever wondered whether you were going down the wrong path, you'll know if you are always having to lie to your mother. 

Do not lie to the people who love you the most. 

Do not lie to her!  Do not lie for him!

There was a young girl who was a little concerned about not being asked to homecoming.  I couldn't believe no one had asked her.  She is so beautiful, elegant and intelligent. So, I asked some kids from Jesuit and Cistercian what was going on.  One kid said to me, "Father, the cool guys always ask last."  I looked at him and said, "But you're not cool."

High School guys deserve very little.  Don't ever give them more than they deserve.

TO YOU, MOMS:

1.  Love your daughters.    Give them a big hug before they leave for school.  Tell them you love them before you drop them off.  There's a battle going on for your child's heart.  And this is one battle you cannot afford to lose. 

Call them.  Text them.  Everyone else is.  Tell them that you miss them and love them before some high school creep does.

2.  Be a breastplate.  Be in front of them, behind them, above them, below them.  Be there to catch them before they fall and pick up the pieces when they fall.  

At the end of your life, God will ask you one very important question:  How often did you pray for your daughter?  

She still needs you:  in sickness, in health, for better, for worse, when her heart is broken, at graduation, on her first day of college, on her wedding day, when her child is born. 

Be there!  Always be there:  at her games, recitals and plays.  Be there.  Always be there.  Follow her on her first date.  Use binoculars if you have to (just kidding).

3.  Don't ever build up a boyfriend.  I can't believe I have to say this, but mom's, please, DO NOT EVER BUILD UP YOUR DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND!  Don't speak to him.  Don't tell him how great he is to your daughter or friends.  Don't build him up!  Instead, build your daughter up!  She needs to hear from you how special she is.  She needs to hear from dad how beautiful she is (and what boys are really like).

Tell this guy that your daughter is a heartbreaker.  Let him know that he is very lucky to be going out with her.  

4.  Be an escape valve for your daughter.   Your child is under a lot of pressure to perform and to outperform others intellectually, emotionally and sexually.  Be an escape valve for her!  Be ruthless.  Tell her she needs to be home at a decent time.  Tell her she needs to go to bed early.  Don't let her stay up till 2:00 am to study.  Don't tell her to "just handle it"!  Remember:  she is a child.  She is a little girl in a big girl's body. 

Allow her an escape from peer pressure.  Give her an excuse that she can use.  Sorry, I'm not allowed to drive past 10 pm.  My mother won't let me go out tonight.  I wish I could see you, but my mother grounded me.    

Don't let up.  High School is not the time to let up.  Although your daughter may act tough, look tough and speak tough, she still cries at night. 

Instead, YOU must be as tough as nails.  Look at a crucifix.  You are nailed to your daughter.  Stay in front of her, behind her, above her and below her.  By nailing yourself to her you are telling her something very important: "You're worth it."    

5.  Mother's intuition.  You know... You know...  I don't know how you know, but you know.  A mother always knows what is going on.  How?  I don't know.  But you know!  You always know when something is up.  Act on your intuition.  It works!

Do not strive to be your daughter's "best friend."  Be your daughter's only mom.

May God continue to bless our beautiful moms and their amazing daughters.

Please share this meditation with your mom, daughter, friends and family.

11 comments:

  1. We enjoyed the mother/daughter mass tremendously. As always, you did a fabulous job delivering the homily. Your words made us laugh, cry, reflect and ponder. I am so glad you posted the advise so I can refresh my "mother" batteries when necessary We are so blessed to have you in the Ursuline community. Thank you for the time, energy and love you devote to our girls. Sincerely, Kelli

    ReplyDelete
  2. So wonderful!! I am crying as I read this. Makes me want to step up my Mom skills. :) Thank you!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Just beautiful. I wish I had been with my daughter. Thank you so much for posting it

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is really amazing and made me appreciate my mom even more. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oh, Father Alfonse, brilliance once again! Wish I was there Live in person to hear your inspiring homily! Gosh, it's been 20 years since high school and the wisdom still rings true. God Bless You!

    I think my Protestant mom would agree with you 100%. I can see her actually enjoying your sermon. She and I are very close. I know all too well about the mother's intuition. My mom's "knowing" has certainly stopped me from making some very bad decisions. She certainly built me up from an early age and believed I could be an independent and successful woman. My mom is the best. :)

    -Jennifer

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thank you for sharing this for those of us who weren't there. :)
    -Rosa E.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you for this important message Father--you hit the nail on the head. I sent this blog entry to my adult daughters--I know I made mistakes and have often asked for forgiveness, but perhaps hearing it from another source will give me some credibility, even as young adults. I am one of those moms who has the intuition and tries to give my daughters (and son) the honest truth in a kind way...I am not always successful in that area. But thank you for the great message!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Father, your sermon brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could send this reflection to my Mom, but she died last September. I will, however share it with my daughter, mother-in-law, sisters(in-law) and spiritual sisters.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is exactly what I needed to hear right now!
    Thank you for sharing your wisdom! -Mallory

    ReplyDelete
  10. Crying right now. My mom was all these things to me. Thanks mom. Help me with your prayers to be these to Bridgie.

    ReplyDelete

Updated: Comments that are judged to be defamatory, abusive or in bad taste are not acceptable and contributors who consistently fall below certain criteria will be permanently blacklisted. Comments must be concise and to the point.Comments are no longer accepted for posts older than 7 days.