Mother-Daughter Relationships

This past Sunday, I celebrated a 'Mother-Daughter Mass' at Ursuline Academy.  I would like to share with you my words to them. 

Good morning my dear moms and daughters!  What a beautiful sight you are.  Only the Lord could have picked a more fitting responsorial psalm for today's special occasion:  If today you hear your 'mother's voice', harden not your hearts!  (cf. Ps. 95:8).

TO YOU, DAUGHTERS:

1.  Love your mom.  I will say it again:  Love your mom.  Give your mom a hug right now!  Honor your mother.  She gets very little credit and very little sleep.  Don't expect your mom to agree with you.  Expect her to be honest with you.  Don't demand that she be your best friend.  Demand that she be your only mom!

2.  Don't ask her to do the impossible.  Don't ask her to stay out of your life.  Don't ask her to leave you - alone and frightened.  Don't ask her to get out of your room.  Well...okay.  I guess that one doesn't really matter.

3.  Stop telling lies.  Stop it!  Stop telling your friends that you hate your mom.  Stop telling your mom that you hate her!  This is the second biggest lie in the world.  Do you know what the greatest lie is?  That your mother hates you!  That is, my dear daughters, the biggest lie you could ever say. 

How can you even think that?  After all, she spends over $15,000 dollars a year to send you to one of the most prestigious private (and Catholic) schools in the country!  I know what you're thinking:  "Father, she's sending me here so that I can take care of her when she gets old."  Nonsense!  "She's sending me here so that she can relive her glory days through me."  Well, that may be true...but it doesn't matter because now you can play Lacrosse while your mother could only play Field Hockey!

Oh, and before I forget.  Stop saying that your mother would kill you if she ever found out you did something terrible.  That's another big lie.  NEVER!  Impossible.  Believe me, she will help you. 

4.  Trust your mother.  There is an old Italian proverb:  "When I was five-years-old, my mother and father knew everything.  When I was ten-years-old my mother and father knew a lot of things.  When I was sixteen-years-old my mother and father knew nothing.  When I was forty-years-old, I wish my mother and father were still around."

Trust your mother.  She will tell you what very few friends will tell you. She will tell you the truth.  She will remind you of just how much you are worth:  her life.  

5.  Don't let any guy get between you and your mother.  There is no other relationship on earth that even comes close to a mother-daughter relationship.  This is a relationship conceived in heaven, fulfilled on earth and lived out by every mother, regardless of her race, creed or nationality.  It is a relationship that is guaranteed for life.  It is also a sort of insurance policy for success!

If you've ever wondered whether you were going down the wrong path, you'll know if you are always having to lie to your mother. 

Do not lie to the people who love you the most. 

Do not lie to her!  Do not lie for him!

There was a young girl who was a little concerned about not being asked to homecoming.  I couldn't believe no one had asked her.  She is so beautiful, elegant and intelligent. So, I asked some kids from Jesuit and Cistercian what was going on.  One kid said to me, "Father, the cool guys always ask last."  I looked at him and said, "But you're not cool."

High School guys deserve very little.  Don't ever give them more than they deserve.

TO YOU, MOMS:

1.  Love your daughters.    Give them a big hug before they leave for school.  Tell them you love them before you drop them off.  There's a battle going on for your child's heart.  And this is one battle you cannot afford to lose. 

Call them.  Text them.  Everyone else is.  Tell them that you miss them and love them before some high school creep does.

2.  Be a breastplate.  Be in front of them, behind them, above them, below them.  Be there to catch them before they fall and pick up the pieces when they fall.  

At the end of your life, God will ask you one very important question:  How often did you pray for your daughter?  

She still needs you:  in sickness, in health, for better, for worse, when her heart is broken, at graduation, on her first day of college, on her wedding day, when her child is born. 

Be there!  Always be there:  at her games, recitals and plays.  Be there.  Always be there.  Follow her on her first date.  Use binoculars if you have to (just kidding).

3.  Don't ever build up a boyfriend.  I can't believe I have to say this, but mom's, please, DO NOT EVER BUILD UP YOUR DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND!  Don't speak to him.  Don't tell him how great he is to your daughter or friends.  Don't build him up!  Instead, build your daughter up!  She needs to hear from you how special she is.  She needs to hear from dad how beautiful she is (and what boys are really like).

Tell this guy that your daughter is a heartbreaker.  Let him know that he is very lucky to be going out with her.  

4.  Be an escape valve for your daughter.   Your child is under a lot of pressure to perform and to outperform others intellectually, emotionally and sexually.  Be an escape valve for her!  Be ruthless.  Tell her she needs to be home at a decent time.  Tell her she needs to go to bed early.  Don't let her stay up till 2:00 am to study.  Don't tell her to "just handle it"!  Remember:  she is a child.  She is a little girl in a big girl's body. 

Allow her an escape from peer pressure.  Give her an excuse that she can use.  Sorry, I'm not allowed to drive past 10 pm.  My mother won't let me go out tonight.  I wish I could see you, but my mother grounded me.    

Don't let up.  High School is not the time to let up.  Although your daughter may act tough, look tough and speak tough, she still cries at night. 

Instead, YOU must be as tough as nails.  Look at a crucifix.  You are nailed to your daughter.  Stay in front of her, behind her, above her and below her.  By nailing yourself to her you are telling her something very important: "You're worth it."    

5.  Mother's intuition.  You know... You know...  I don't know how you know, but you know.  A mother always knows what is going on.  How?  I don't know.  But you know!  You always know when something is up.  Act on your intuition.  It works!

Do not strive to be your daughter's "best friend."  Be your daughter's only mom.

May God continue to bless our beautiful moms and their amazing daughters.

Please share this meditation with your mom, daughter, friends and family.