Mk 10:2-12 Marriage 101

Twenty-Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time
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By FR ALFONSE NAZZARO

The Pharisees approached Jesus and asked, "Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?" They were testing him.  He said to them in reply, "What did Moses command you?" They replied, "Moses permitted a husband to write a bill of divorce and dismiss her."  But Jesus told them, "Because of the hardness of your hearts he wrote you this commandment.  But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female.  For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."

Let's get some things cleared up.  I can't tell you how often I hear things like, "I can no longer receive communion because I am divorced."  Or, "I've been excommunicated from the Church because I was divorced and remarried."

Let me make some things clear.  (1) Being divorced does not prohibit you from receiving communion.  Nor does it prevent you from going to Confession.  (2) If you were divorced and remarried then you need to seek an annulment prior to receiving communion and going to confession.  But in no way are you excommunicated from the Church.

Marriage in the contemporary world.  We all know that marriage in America is currently going through the ringer.  Poll after poll and survey after survey suggests fewer and fewer young people are tying the knot or staying married.  So while marriage is on the decline, divorce and out of wedlock children are on the rise. What in the world is going on? 

Do you feel betrayed by your elders?  I kind of do!  And not because they failed to tell us how difficult marriage can be, but because they refused to tell us all they had learned!  

Instead of giving us the straight talk on marriage (and life), our elders decided to follow the example of their elders and rev it up for engine failure.  Yep.  they got us all excited about things they were no longer excited about!  And by the way, it is the same things we hear about on the radio and TV.  

What am I talking about?

"Opposites attract."  No they don't! Well, maybe in some things.  But not at all when it comes to core values.  Sharing with your spouse the same moral and religious values is an essential - ESSENTIAL - ingredient to maintaining a long healthy relationship.  Otherwise, let the fighting begin...and never end!

"Is he/she cute?"  I remember running home from middle school one day and telling my folks:  "Mom!  Dad!  I met this girl today!!" And what did they say?  "Is she cute?  Is she pretty?"   "Of course!  Otherwise I wouldn't have anything to do with her!", I said.    But now I know better.  Was that really what was most important?  Our parents knew better.  They knew from their own experiences that beauty quickly goes to the back of the line in importance.  My grandmother once told me this and I never forgot it - I just didn't believe it.  Why?  Because she was one lonely voice telling me this very disturbing news.
  
While I had a hard time understanding why certain couples were together, I had a nearly impossible time trying to understand why certain couples were married!  Why?  Because I thought physically attractive people married each other!    

Our parents knew better.  They knew the truth.  Why didn't they tell us?  Maybe they didn't want us to know their error.  Maybe they didn't want to complicate things.

Instead of asking our teen if their boyfriend or girlfriend is cute. We should ask them if they know them.

"The thrill of sex."  Yes...sex is great.  But intimacy is even better. Unfortunately, you would never know it by the looks of things.  TV shows and movies are always peddling sex as the greatest thing ever.  Well, it isn't. And we all know it.  And now we need to let our children know it.  Intimacy is far deeper and far more meaningful and fulfilling than sex.  In fact, spouses spend the vast majority of their time talking to one another, hanging out together, and sharing their most intimate thoughts with each other.

We know better.  We need to let our children know this as well.  It's so important that the love of their life is also their best friend - someone they enjoying spending time with; someone they can trust; someone they love to hangout with; someone they can share their most intimate fears, thoughts and struggles with.  

This will last longer than any thrills.

"Marriage is worth more than the wedding."  But you wouldn't know it by the amount of money spent on weddings, especially Hollywood weddings.  

Weddings happen once in a life time - at least that's how we would like it to be; but a marriage lasts every single day after.  

We know this!  We all know this...except our children.  It's time to share it with our young - to share with them the transition from wedding to marriage; that is, from fanfare to commitment; from words to actions; from symbols to sacrament.   

We need to surprise them by telling them to invest more into their marriage than into their spouse.

"Marriage is tough." I know marriage is tough.  But I also know it is very appealing.  Over 90% of people will get married in their lifetime.  

Marriage is not out-of-style!   

It's time to let our children see the real life benefits of being married.  For example, I find it breathtaking that a man and a woman would want to spend their entire life together.  I find it absolutely remarkable that a man and a woman would shatter their lifestyle and routine by creating a child in their image and likeness.  I find it stunning that a man and a woman could complement in each other in the most intimate and mundane ways.               

Marriage is tough especially when we take our spouse for granted. Be careful not to let this happen.  Have your date nights.  Have your weekend getaways.  Have your romance.  Have your intimacy. Take care of your body.  Dress up well. 

And never stop talking to your best friend.