Once when Jesus was praying in solitude, and the disciples were with him, he asked them, “Who do you say that I am?” Peter said in reply, “The Christ, of God.”
Often I wonder if what I do makes any difference. I am sure that I am not alone in this. I know many moms struggle and wonder. Many dads go through their mid-life crisis because they struggle with the meaning of their life or with their own identity. “Who am I?” is not a question that can be answered fully or meaningfully in general terms. I want to know who I am specifically, and if what I am doing is what I should be doing. Asking "Who am I?" and "What should I be doing?" is not a bad thing. It can actually help lead us to not only some surprising answers but to some surprising conclusions.
“The Son of man came to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Christ is the Son of God, and the Son of God came to serve and lay down his life out of love for us. Did he do it out of vain? No. He succeeded in doing not only what he had to do, but in allowing me to see its benefits. I love the Lord. I recognize His immense love in my life all day long. I took off the sunglasses long ago and bathe in the light all day long. I know who I am. I know what I want to be. I cannot ever see my life ever changing paths.
Now, the question is, “Does it even matter to anyone?”
This is what we all wonder. Did I make it to the top and find myself alone? Did I forget to bring someone with me? Am I standing at the top of the mountain with no one to take my picture? Does a falling tree make any noise if there is no one there to witness it? Does my stunning life make any difference if I did not do it out of love of God and of others?
Writing my meditations on a daily basis helps me to live my life better. Reflecting on God’s word helps me to put it into practice. But you always wonder…does it even matter? I know I am not alone in asking this question. So often when I do ask, I do receive an answer.
Yesterday, I went to visit two families that live far away from me. To make a long story short…I went to visit the first family to drop off something they had left at our school. I said to myself, “Here is my chance to do something unexpected and beautiful.” So, instead of leaving the items in front of the rectory as they requested, I made a visit to their home at 6:30 am. I woke up early in the morning so that I could do it. It was exactly what I had hoped for. It was a complete surprise, except for their daughter who said to me, “I knew you would do this.” It wasn’t a surprise for her. But it was a surprise for me that she would say that. They were grateful not for the delivery but for the surprised bundle of love. Other than the Mass, it was the best thing I did that day and I am eternally grateful to God for having inspired my heart.
But as I mentioned above, I ended up visiting two families. The second family I went to visit lived next to the other. It had been well over six months since I last saw them. At 7:00 am I rang the door bell and of course they were shocked. I told mom and the kids I just wanted to say hello. Little did I know that one daughter wasn’t feeling so well. Mom had insisted that they at least go to the school Mass and then they would decide what to do. Her child didn’t even want to go to Mass because she first needed to go to confession. That’s when the door bell rang. God even makes house visits! The children were in shock as well as I, for I knew nothing about the drama that was taking place at home. I, as well as they, are eternally grateful to all-mighty God for this little bundle of joy as well.
Who am I? Who do people say that I am? Does it even matter to anyone?
Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. Knock and the door shall be opened. Like everything in our life, the Lord will reveal all in good time. But if we don’t even bother to ask, then we will never begin to think. And if we are not thinking, then we will never really start doing. Man was not made to live for long, like the trees. Man was made to love and be loved, unlike trees. This is who we are and this is what we all can do best.