Who Are You When Everything Is Stripped Away? (A Priest's Answer After Surgery)

 

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The Reality of Being Buried Alive

There is an old saying that offers a unique perspective on our daily troubles. The best way to get rid of a thousand problems is to have one medical problem. The other problems suddenly mean nothing to you.

This is my first Sunday back after five weeks away. It is amazing how the Lord always has the right words at the exact right time. I read the readings today with a fresh set of eyes. The first reading features the prophet Ezekiel sharing a powerful message from God. God says that He will open your graves. He promises to put His spirit inside you.

God is not talking about physical death in this passage. He is talking about people who are alive but remain completely buried. People walk around alive while they are buried in their suffering. They are buried in their loss. They are buried in their deep discouragement.

God makes a beautiful promise to anyone feeling this way. He says that He will open your grave and put His spirit in you so that you may live. Notice that He does not say He is going to fix your specific problem. He says He is going to put His spirit inside you. Life always begins from the inside before anything changes on the outside.

The Pain of Feeling Completely Useless

The scriptures remind us that the one you love is ill. I should have read this specific passage while I was ill myself. It is very easy to forget that you are loved when you are suffering.

I spent a lot of time alone in the rectory by myself. It was a very painful experience. I had bilateral hernia surgery to address a severe physical issue. The surgery was actually a huge relief because the pain before that point was incredibly bad. I could not even stand for more than two minutes without being in severe pain.

I ended up getting an infection on top of everything else. I was in pain before the surgery, and then I got an infection that simply flattened me. It is incredibly easy to feel absolutely useless in that situation.

I could hear the outside world continuing without me from my house. I listened to cars driving by every single day. I heard them going over the speed bumps right outside. I was not out there with them. I could hear the children laughing in the courtyard by midday. I was not out there with them either.

I started to feel completely useless as the days went on. That feeling bothered me more than the physical pain ever did. I started thinking about all those people who are permanently bedridden and chronically ill. They have to watch life keep going without them.

I realized during this time that I did not want to see anybody. I wanted to see everybody in theory, but I did not want to see anybody in practice. I just was not feeling good at all.

The Transformative Power of Suffering

You eventually realize what a surprise it is when you have to start allowing God back into your life. It is too late if you are just waiting for the surgery to make you feel better. You have to start feeling better in your spirit before that physical healing happens.

This is a very difficult thing to say but it is absolutely true. Suffering has more power to bring transformation into your life than anything else in the world. Nobody actually wants to suffer. Suffering is a lot like a laparoscopic procedure because it goes right in. Suffering penetrates deeper than anything else in order for you to open up your eyes. It forces you to begin to realize what is important and what is not important.

What is truly important at the end of the day? Having that strong relationship with God is the most important thing you can possess.

Stripping Away Our Superficial Titles

I read a story about the famous actor James Van Der Beek passing away while I was ill. He made a video before he passed away to share his thoughts. He recorded this video while he was dying of cancer and had less than a year to live.

He shared a profound realization in this recording. He said that he defined himself as an actor when he was younger. He later defined himself as a husband and then as a father. He had to ask himself who he truly was when all those things were stripped away.

You might be an actor and receive congratulations for your success. He noted that his acting career brought him some fulfillment but not a lot. He found that becoming a husband was a better experience. He felt that becoming a father was the ultimate achievement in his life.

Everything changes when your abilities are stripped away. He realized he could not even be a traditional father anymore. He was stuck in an apartment getting cancer treatment instead of being with his children. He could not work or pay the bills or do anything at all. He had to ask himself who he was in that vulnerable moment.

He concluded that he is worthy of God’s love simply because he exists. You reach a breakthrough when you finally get to the point where your actions do not define you.

We constantly ask people who they are and what they do. People respond by saying they are an engineer or a doctor. They say they are a dentist or a priest. That is such a remarkably small definition of who you actually are.

Your true identity is much more than your profession. This is the exact point made by Saint Paul and the prophet Ezekiel. You have to strip yourself away from all these external things to get to the core of your existence. That core is simply God’s love for you.

Finding Opportunity in Our Deepest Losses

You might feel completely bound up by loss at various times in your life. You might lose your girlfriend or your boyfriend. You might lose your husband or your wife. These painful experiences leave you feeling tied up and restricted.

These moments are actually profound opportunities that God is giving you. You do not need to wait for that specific love to come back to be happy. You can realize that you are still entirely worthy of God’s love even in your broken state.

I received many beautiful cards from the children at the school when I was ill. I did not want to read anything at first because I was not feeling good. You become willing to reach out and grab those cards once your spirit finally comes back to life. You begin to want to do something meaningful again.

The spirit always comes first in the healing process. Your spirit has to change if you want to experience true physical or emotional healing.

Small Acts of Kindness That Feed the Soul

I eventually picked up those cards and started reading them. The children wrote sweet messages telling me to get well and saying they missed me. They told me they loved me.

It is amazing how a simple message just starts to feed your soul. I found myself lying in bed thinking about what I could do in return. I decided I was going to pray for all these children. I initially thought I would only pray for the specific ones who wrote to me. I quickly realized I needed to pray for all the children at the school.

I grabbed my phone from the bed to take action. I took a picture of a card and sent it directly to the parent of the child who wrote it. I sent a message saying it is amazing the impact that a kind heart and kind words can have on someone.

The responses from the parents were incredibly touching. They thanked me and told me how kind it was for me to reach out. The healing process absolutely has to begin with your spirit.

You must understand that everything can be stripped away from your daily life. You are still profoundly loved by God in the very end. We know this is true because of the crucifix. God is right there with you in your suffering when everything else has been stripped away.

What does Jesus say from the Cross? “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.” Only the spirit can say something like that in a moment of agony. The physical body cannot muster that kind of grace.

You finally know that you are worthy of God’s love when your spirit reaches that place.