Darkness Won't Win: A Priest's Call to Courage This Father's Day

 

Gloom and Doom for Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day.

Now, to be fair, the readings this Sunday were not exactly what you’d expect for a celebration. The first reading opens with “I hear the whispers of many. Terror on every side. Denounce, let us denounce him. All those who were my friends are on the watch for any misstep of mine.” The responsorial psalm adds, “For your sake, I bear insult, and shame covers my face.” And then Paul reminds us that through one man, sin entered the world, and through sin, death.

For Mother’s Day, we got “love one another.” For Father’s Day, we get terror and denouncement.

Not very fair, is it? 

A Jane Austen Movie and the Words We Never Say

Yesterday, I watched a movie with my mom on Prime. The movie was Persuasion, based on the Jane Austen novel. It was an hour and a half long. The story follows two people who were engaged when they were young, but the woman’s family refused to let her marry him. He had no name, no money, no status, no power, nothing. So they went their separate ways.

Now she’s 27, unmarried, and she runs into him again. He has become wealthy, successful, and powerful. And for the entire length of the film, the dialogue between them goes something like this.

“Hello.” “Hello, it’s good to see you.” “It’s good to see you too.” “How have you been?” “I’ve been okay, how are you?” “I’m good.”

That’s it. That’s the whole movie. An hour and twenty-five minutes of that.

I was sitting there thinking, “I could have made this movie five minutes long! Just tell her you love her! Tell him! Say the words!”

The last minute of the film, she gets a letter. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’ll never love anyone else. You’re the only person in my life.” She runs. They find each other. They kiss. Credits.

They spend an hour and a half letting fear hold them back.

Fear Is the Thing That Stops Us

There’s something worth noticing about that kind of paralysis. In the movie, everybody else has an opinion. Everybody around them sees exactly what’s happening. But the two people who actually need to act can’t bring themselves to do it.

Why? Because they’re afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of being labeled a failure. And that fear forces them not to take a step forward.

The English, as a culture, have produced some of the most remarkable people in history. Shackleton, who endured the Antarctic. Isaac Newton, who invented calculus at around 18 years old. Writers, scientists, explorers of every kind. Brilliant, courageous people. And yet there’s also this quality of feelings almost never shared, words almost never said, steps almost never taken.

Charlie Munger once said he wanted to know where he was going to die so that he would never go there. Some people ask how they can succeed. Others ask how they can fail, and then they avoid those paths. Both are ways of thinking about the same problem.

The Real Message in the Readings

Here’s what ties all of it together. Look at the readings again, but this time read the message underneath them.

“Terror on every side.” Don’t panic.

“For your sake I bear insult and shame covers my face.” Don’t panic.

“Through one man, sin entered the world and through sin, death.” Don’t panic.

“Fear no one.” That’s the gospel. “Nothing is concealed that will not be revealed nor secret that will not be known.” Do not be afraid.

The message running through every single one of those heavy readings is the same. Don’t panic. God has your back.

What Fathers Are Called to Model

Fathers carry a particular name and a particular responsibility. The question worth asking on Father’s Day is this: what is the greatest gift you could ever give your children?

One answer is this. Don’t panic, and teach your children not to panic. You don’t have to say a lot, but you have to teach a lot. And you teach not by saying a lot but by sharing a lot. Share your story. Share where you came from.

The priest’s own father did this well. He always reminded his children where the family came from. Seven children in Italy during World War II, with bombs falling around them. His father was the first in the family to go to university. His grandmother went to school through third grade. His grandfather, a teacher himself, through sixth grade. That was the foundation.

And the message that came out of that story, told again and again, was simple. If we could get through that, you can get through anything in your life. Don’t panic.

Failure Is Not the Worst Thing

Churchill put it plainly. “Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.”

Douglas Adams, who wrote The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, said something that lands differently but points in the same direction. “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they go by.”

There’s a message in that kind of humor. Don’t take yourself so seriously. It’s okay to fail. Everybody makes mistakes. Don’t be the person who can’t admit it. Don’t live your life trying to appear perfect all the time.

G.K. Chesterton said it best. “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.”

Not trying is the real failure. Fear of rejection, fear of looking bad, fear of what people will say, all of it can keep you from the one thing that actually mattered. The man in Persuasion almost lost the woman he loved because he was afraid to say three words. Don’t let that be your story.

Three Things to Carry Into Fatherhood

So here are three things worth holding onto, not just on Father’s Day but every day.

• Don’t panic. The readings are full of hard things. Life is full of hard things. But panic doesn’t help anyone, and your children are watching how you respond.

• God has your back. “Do not fear” is not just a nice phrase. It’s what Jesus said. Believe it.

• Don’t take yourself so seriously. Acknowledge your mistakes. Go to confession. Let your children see you do it. Almost guaranteed, they will follow.

A father who goes to Mass and goes to confession gives his children something no amount of advice can replace. If fathers set that example for their children, it is almost guaranteed that they will continue to go to church and confession into adulthood. It’s not what you say. It’s what you do.

A Blessing for All Fathers

To every father, stepfather, grandfather, and father figure:

Heavenly Father, you entrusted your son Jesus, the child of Mary, to the care of Joseph, his foster father. Bless all fathers and grandfathers as they care for their families. Give them strength and wisdom, tenderness and patience. Give them the ability to love in a way that reflects your love. Support them in the work that they do, protecting those who look to them as we look to you for love and salvation. Help us to love them in a way that would bring honor to you and to them. Bless and heal all those wounded by the imperfections of their fathers, and grant eternal rest to our fathers you have called from this life to yourself, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Congratulations to all our dads. Don’t panic. God’s got your back.