Darkness Won't Win: A Priest's Call to Courage This Father's Day

 

Gloom and Doom for Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day.

Now, to be fair, the readings this Sunday were not exactly what you’d expect for a celebration. The first reading opens with “I hear the whispers of many. Terror on every side. Denounce, let us denounce him. All those who were my friends are on the watch for any misstep of mine.” The responsorial psalm adds, “For your sake, I bear insult, and shame covers my face.” And then Paul reminds us that through one man, sin entered the world, and through sin, death.

For Mother’s Day, we got “love one another.” For Father’s Day, we get terror and denouncement.

Not very fair, is it? 

A Jane Austen Movie and the Words We Never Say

Yesterday, I watched a movie with my mom on Prime. The movie was Persuasion, based on the Jane Austen novel. It was an hour and a half long. The story follows two people who were engaged when they were young, but the woman’s family refused to let her marry him. He had no name, no money, no status, no power, nothing. So they went their separate ways.

Now she’s 27, unmarried, and she runs into him again. He has become wealthy, successful, and powerful. And for the entire length of the film, the dialogue between them goes something like this.

“Hello.” “Hello, it’s good to see you.” “It’s good to see you too.” “How have you been?” “I’ve been okay, how are you?” “I’m good.”

That’s it. That’s the whole movie. An hour and twenty-five minutes of that.

I was sitting there thinking, “I could have made this movie five minutes long! Just tell her you love her! Tell him! Say the words!”

The last minute of the film, she gets a letter. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’ll never love anyone else. You’re the only person in my life.” She runs. They find each other. They kiss. Credits.

They spend an hour and a half letting fear hold them back.

Fear Is the Thing That Stops Us

There’s something worth noticing about that kind of paralysis. In the movie, everybody else has an opinion. Everybody around them sees exactly what’s happening. But the two people who actually need to act can’t bring themselves to do it.

Why? Because they’re afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of being labeled a failure. And that fear forces them not to take a step forward.

The English, as a culture, have produced some of the most remarkable people in history. Shackleton, who endured the Antarctic. Isaac Newton, who invented calculus at around 18 years old. Writers, scientists, explorers of every kind. Brilliant, courageous people. And yet there’s also this quality of feelings almost never shared, words almost never said, steps almost never taken.

Charlie Munger once said he wanted to know where he was going to die so that he would never go there. Some people ask how they can succeed. Others ask how they can fail, and then they avoid those paths. Both are ways of thinking about the same problem.

The Real Message in the Readings

Here’s what ties all of it together. Look at the readings again, but this time read the message underneath them.

“Terror on every side.” Don’t panic.

“For your sake I bear insult and shame covers my face.” Don’t panic.

“Through one man, sin entered the world and through sin, death.” Don’t panic.

“Fear no one.” That’s the gospel. “Nothing is concealed that will not be revealed nor secret that will not be known.” Do not be afraid.

The message running through every single one of those heavy readings is the same. Don’t panic. God has your back.

What Fathers Are Called to Model

Fathers carry a particular name and a particular responsibility. The question worth asking on Father’s Day is this: what is the greatest gift you could ever give your children?

One answer is this. Don’t panic, and teach your children not to panic. You don’t have to say a lot, but you have to teach a lot. And you teach not by saying a lot but by sharing a lot. Share your story. Share where you came from.

The priest’s own father did this well. He always reminded his children where the family came from. Seven children in Italy during World War II, with bombs falling around them. His father was the first in the family to go to university. His grandmother went to school through third grade. His grandfather, a teacher himself, through sixth grade. That was the foundation.

And the message that came out of that story, told again and again, was simple. If we could get through that, you can get through anything in your life. Don’t panic.

Failure Is Not the Worst Thing

Churchill put it plainly. “Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.”

Douglas Adams, who wrote The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, said something that lands differently but points in the same direction. “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they go by.”

There’s a message in that kind of humor. Don’t take yourself so seriously. It’s okay to fail. Everybody makes mistakes. Don’t be the person who can’t admit it. Don’t live your life trying to appear perfect all the time.

G.K. Chesterton said it best. “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.”

Not trying is the real failure. Fear of rejection, fear of looking bad, fear of what people will say, all of it can keep you from the one thing that actually mattered. The man in Persuasion almost lost the woman he loved because he was afraid to say three words. Don’t let that be your story.

Three Things to Carry Into Fatherhood

So here are three things worth holding onto, not just on Father’s Day but every day.

• Don’t panic. The readings are full of hard things. Life is full of hard things. But panic doesn’t help anyone, and your children are watching how you respond.

• God has your back. “Do not fear” is not just a nice phrase. It’s what Jesus said. Believe it.

• Don’t take yourself so seriously. Acknowledge your mistakes. Go to confession. Let your children see you do it. Almost guaranteed, they will follow.

A father who goes to Mass and goes to confession gives his children something no amount of advice can replace. If fathers set that example for their children, it is almost guaranteed that they will continue to go to church and confession into adulthood. It’s not what you say. It’s what you do.

A Blessing for All Fathers

To every father, stepfather, grandfather, and father figure:

Heavenly Father, you entrusted your son Jesus, the child of Mary, to the care of Joseph, his foster father. Bless all fathers and grandfathers as they care for their families. Give them strength and wisdom, tenderness and patience. Give them the ability to love in a way that reflects your love. Support them in the work that they do, protecting those who look to them as we look to you for love and salvation. Help us to love them in a way that would bring honor to you and to them. Bless and heal all those wounded by the imperfections of their fathers, and grant eternal rest to our fathers you have called from this life to yourself, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Congratulations to all our dads. Don’t panic. God’s got your back.

Love Your Children Before They Leave (A Priest's Call to All Christians)

 

What Connects the Three Readings

On the 11th Sunday in Ordinary Time, it can be hard to find the thread running through all three readings. But if we focus on a few key passages in each one, something clear and powerful emerges.

In the first reading from the book of Exodus, the Lord says, “Though all the earth is mine, you shall be my special possession, dearer to me than all other people.” At first glance, that can sound like God is playing favorites, like one group of people is getting special treatment over everyone else.

But we have to remind ourselves that no group of people is homogenous. If God said America is his favorite country, well, you have the old and the young. You have the sick and the healthy. You have believers and non-believers. You have everyone. So there is no real exclusion here. The Lord is dealing with people, not a nation, not a race. Just people. We are his people, the sheep of his flock. That alone is deeply reassuring.

The Depth of What Christ Did

The second reading is perhaps the most reassuring of all. Paul writes that Christ died for us while we were still helpless, while we were still sinners.

Think about how hard it would be to give your life for a good person. That would already take tremendous courage. Now imagine being asked to lay down your life for someone who does not even love you, someone who has nothing to offer you in return. That is even harder. And that is exactly what Christ did.

Even though we were sinners. Even though we were helpless. Even though we were not good people. Christ died for us anyway. And Paul’s conclusion follows naturally from that. How much more, then, since we are now justified by his blood?

Jesus Saw People. The Disciples Saw a Problem.

The gospel brings everything into focus with one simple observation. At the sight of the crowds, Jesus’ heart was moved with pity for them because they were troubled and abandoned.

Jesus saw people. The disciples, understandably, saw a logistical nightmare. They saw a crowd that was going to be hungry and tired, a crowd that needed feeding and managing. Maybe they even saw a good collection that day.

But Jesus saw something else entirely. He saw their fears, their loneliness, their confusion, their hopes, and their dignity. He saw their souls.

So the three readings together point to the same three things: people, compassion, and a mission.

I Hate Summer

We all have a tendency to reduce things we should not reduce. We reduce people to something less than persons without even noticing we are doing it.

Think about the way different groups see the people around them.

• Politicians see voters.

• Businesses see customers.

• Kings see subjects.

• Governments see taxpayers.

And families are not immune to it either. Parents can fall into the habit of seeing their children as cheap labor.

Growing up, I hated summer. Every summer, there was a new project waiting. One year, I had to build a brick patio in the backyard. That meant digging nearly a foot down, laying a tarp, putting in gravel, then sand, then brick, leveling everything, ordering the right number of bricks. An entire summer gone.

That patio still exists, somewhere in upstate New York, in a house no one took care of, overgrown now and mostly forgotten. The father who assigned the project has passed away.

Time with your children disappears faster than you think. In ten years, they will not even be in the house anymore. After Mass today, go have lunch with them. Get an ice cream. Look at your children as more than a to-do list. Appreciate the time you have, because it will not last.

Technology and the Danger of Reducing People to Data

Technology does not make this any easier. Pope Leo recently wrote an encyclical on artificial intelligence, and one of its central concerns is exactly this. AI takes people and reduces them to data. Data becomes king. Data becomes gold.

Technology itself is not the enemy. Many people use it every day and find genuine value in it. But as technology increases, humanity has to increase with it. Otherwise it is like putting dangerous tools in the hands of children. You want the rise of technology to be matched by the rise of civilization, the rise of our humanity.

Because AI will never give you the love or the compassion or the relationship you are actually looking for. Never. That is the crux of the encyclical’s message.

People need relationships. People need compassion. People need purpose. And people need fun.

Go have fun with your family, your spouse, your children. The bills will still be there. The chores will still be there. The things that need fixing will always need fixing. But go and do the things that only people can do together. Have a relationship. Enjoy this life. Do not reduce it to one chore after another.

The Mission Is Simple

So what is the mission that comes out of these readings?

The temptation is to reduce people to less than they are. That temptation is everywhere, and it is constant.

As Christians, we are called to resist it. We are called to be experts in seeing people. Not voters, not customers, not data points, not cheap labor. People. With fears and hopes and dignity and souls.

That is the mission. And it starts today.

Don't Give Up: God Gave up Everything for You in the Eucharist

Meatball Sandwiches and Growing Up

Good morning, everyone. Today is the Solemnity of the Body and Blood of Jesus Christ, Corpus Christi.

To get to this point in the life of Christ, a lot of things had to happen first. When I was reflecting on today’s readings, my mind went back to my youth.

I grew up first-generation American, Italian by descent. Things were different in our house, and we knew it. My lunch bag alone made that clear. Everybody else had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I had meatball sandwiches soaked in sauce and olive oil that would seep right through the paper bag, filling my locker with that smell for three or four hours before lunch. (None of us ever got sick, though)

I also remember sitting at the table for steak dinners, carefully cutting around every nerve and every piece of fat, eating only the clean meat. I’d look over at my mother, and she was pulling everything off the bone. The fat, the cartilage, the marrow. All of it. She would look at my plate and say, “Look how wasteful you are.”

The day I finally grew up came after a soccer game. I was starving, and the only thing left in the house was rapini. If you don’t know rapini, it’s an Italian variety of broccoli, a little bitter. I didn’t want it. But my siblings had already devoured everything else. So I sat down and ate the whole thing. That was the day I grew up. Rapini was never a problem again.

The Seminary and the Vow of Poverty

There was more growing up to do when I entered the seminary. A missionary seminary takes the vow of poverty seriously, and I mean seriously.

Every week, we lined up at the pantry for supplies. When it came to toilet paper, they did not hand out rolls. They counted out sheets. I learned to conserve in ways I never imagined. We received five Q-tips per week. I learned to shave without shaving cream, using soap and toothpaste instead. When the toothpaste tube looked empty, I would press it down with my comb to get every last drop until Sunday came around and the pantry opened again.

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Remember the Hunger, Remember How You Were Fed

Why tell you all of this? Because in today’s first reading, Moses says to the people, “Remember. Remember how for forty years the Lord your God directed your journey from the desert to the promised land. Remember the affliction. Remember the tests. Remember the hunger. Remember how you were fed.”

And in today’s Gospel, the Lord tells us, “I am the bread that came down from heaven. Not the bread that your ancestors ate, but the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever, and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world.”

For Christ to reach that moment, the moment of giving His body and blood, think about everything He had to endure. The people of Israel and the body of Christ are the same. They had to endure torment, betrayal, suffering, and hunger. They endured mockery, death, resurrection, and ascension before finally arriving at the gift of life freely given.

The Feast of Those Who Do Not Give Up

The lesson in all of this is one word. Perseverance.

Corpus Christi is the feast day of those who do not give up. It is a celebration for everyone who has gone through tough times, who has endured real hardship, who has suffered, who has faced agonizing moments, illness, and death. The message of today is simply this: don’t quit. Don’t give up. Keep fighting the good fight. Be the person God created you to be.

Rise. Ascend. And keep giving yourself.

I heard a story recently that stuck with me. In the 1930s and 1940s, a diagnosis of leukemia was a death sentence. The survival rate was zero. Today, the survival rate for leukemia is ninety percent. That happened because of people who would never give up. Researchers and doctors and patients refused to stop looking for a solution. They kept going.

So when you are in the middle of a hard season, you can cry. You can cry a lot. Go for a walk and cry if you need to. But don’t quit. Don’t ever give up.

Fight the good fight, rise, ascend, and then give back freely what you have received.

Freedom, Not Escape

One more thing worth mentioning. This morning I saw the Pope speaking on a plane heading to Spain. A reporter asked him whether he expected to draw a larger crowd at his gatherings than Bad Bunny, who was also performing in Spain. The Pope said, very graciously and with a touch of humor, that he did not think he would.

It made me think about why we love concerts and entertainment so much. We love them because they give us a chance to escape from the realities of this world, even just for a few hours.

Corpus Christi offers something different. It does not offer escape. It offers a pathway through.

The journey we take in our lives moves from captivity to liberation, from being consumed by hardship to being free enough to give again. That is the journey Israel took. That is the journey Christ walked. And it is the journey each of us is on right now.

Corpus Christi is the celebration of that freedom. It is the celebration of a character that has been molded and tested through fire. It is the celebration of being able to give back all that we have received.

That is the lesson today.

Amen.

God's Explosion of Love: The Holy Trinity's Relationship Blueprint

 

Three Persons, One God

Today is the Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity - - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. One God, three persons. Not, as someone once said, three gods and one God. That makes no sense. Three persons, one God.

It is a strong reminder that there is a close relationship between God and human beings. God is, in a real sense, a family. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. And we are created in the image and likeness of that God. Man, woman, family, child - - the three become one. We can see this reflected in our own lives and in the world around us.

A Traffic Stop and a Ticket

One of the very first assignments in Dallas was over at St. Joseph in Richardson. That was the first parish. The drive was 40 minutes each way because there was no room at the rectory, so the commute started from my mother’s home out in Fort Worth.

One morning, running late to celebrate Mass, a police officer pulled the car over. When the window came down and the officer walked up, he looked in and said, “Father.” The response came right back: “Son.” And thus began a great mystery. What would happen next?

“Father” - that was a good sign. If he had said “sir,” chances are he was a Baptist or something. But “Father” was encouraging. I told the officer, “I am so sorry. I am running late. I have Mass in five minutes.” He looked back and said, “In five minutes?” Yes, in five minutes. “Okay,” he said. “I’m going to do this quickly.” And he gave the ticket anyway.

If a good friend or a mother had been in that car, they would have told me: “Al, slow down. It’s not that important.” But when you are by yourself, you can get very confident. You can start to think you know it all.

That is exactly the point. Relationships are important because they bring out the best in us - - and sometimes the worst. But the best is better than the worst, and it should be.

The Name God Spoke

In the first reading from the book of Exodus, the Lord declares his name. It is a little tricky, because the text says that having come down in a cloud, the Lord stood with Moses and proclaimed his name as “Lord.” But he did not say “my name is Lord.” He said, “I Am Who I Am” — Yahweh.

Because the Jewish people believed the name of God could not be spoken aloud, we removed it from the text and substituted the word Adonai, which means Lord. But the word God actually spoke was “I Am Who I Am.”

Bold. Confident. No doubts.

But it also sounds a little lonely. “I Am Who I Am” — as if isolated, insulated from everything else. And yet God is not alone. He is more one by being three, by being in relationship. That is the mystery. He is more fully one by being in relationship than he could ever be by being alone.

If any of us said “I am who I am” in a room by ourselves, that would sound like loneliness. And loneliness is not the goal. We want to be confident, yes — but not just in ourselves. We want to be confident in others too. That is why relationships are so beautiful, whether between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, or close friends. They bring out the best in us. Inside a real relationship, you discover who you are and what you are truly capable of doing.

The Person Next to You Is a Mystery

One of the toughest things about being a priest is having no automatic person to bounce an idea off of. Who do you trust with something that is going on in your heart? It is a real question.

When you are in a relationship, do not take it for granted. That person next to you is a treasure. Let them in. Allow that person to penetrate into the mystery of who you are.

If we think the Holy Trinity is a great mystery that we cannot fully understand, one that sometimes makes us wonder, look at the person sitting next to you. You do not fully know that person either. You may have been married for 45 years, and that person is still a mystery. And so are you. 

I don’t even know for certain what I would do if something tragic or deeply challenging happened. I believe I know, but I am not 100% sure. Maybe I won’t know until it actually happens.

You discover who you are because of the relationships you have. “I Am Who I Am” is, in the end, shaped by all the relationships you carry. Build those relationships, and you will begin to find out what that name means for your own life. And build first the relationship that matters most, the relationship with God, and he will tell you.

God So Loved the World

In the Gospel today, we hear those words: “God so loved the world.” How do we know that? Because he sent his only Son. It is the relationship God has with his Son, and that the Son has with us, that reveals God as love. Not a God looking for ways to condemn, but a God looking for ways to save, to help, to encourage. God brings out the best in each and every one of us.

And because God reveals himself through his Son, we know how God thinks, how God loves, how God acts.

What It Looks Like in Practice

The second reading connects all of this directly to how we treat one another. It reads like a short and practical list.

• Rejoice.

• Mend your ways.

• Encourage one another.

• Agree with one another.

• Live in peace.

One of the toughest things about being a priest is having no automatic person to bounce an idea off of. Who do you trust with something that is going on in your heart? It is a real question.

When you are in a relationship, do not take it for granted. That person next to you is a treasure. Let them in. Allow that person to penetrate into the mystery of who you are.

If we think the Holy Trinity is a great mystery — one we cannot fully understand, one that sometimes makes us wonder — look at the person sitting next to you. You do not fully know that person either. You may have been married for 45 years, and that person is still a mystery. Even after 50 years. And so are you. None of us knows for certain what we would do if something tragic or deeply challenging happened. We believe we know, but we are not 100% sure. Maybe we will not know until it actually happens.

You discover who you are because of the relationships you have. “I Am Who I Am” is, in the end, shaped by all the relationships you carry. Build those relationships, and you will begin to find out what that name means for your own life. And build first the relationship that matters most — the relationship with God — and he will tell you.

God So Loved the World

In the Gospel today, we hear those words: “God so loved the world.” How do we know that? Because he sent his only Son. It is the relationship God has with his Son, and that the Son has with us, that reveals God as love. Not a God looking for ways to condemn, but a God looking for ways to save, to help, to encourage. God brings out the best in each and every one of us.

And because God reveals himself through his Son, we know how God thinks, how God loves, how God acts.

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What It Looks Like in Practice

The second reading connects all of this directly to how we treat one another. It reads like a short and practical list.

• Rejoice.

• Mend your ways.

• Encourage one another.

• Agree with one another.

• Live in peace.

“And the God of love and peace will be with you.”

It is remarkable how the two great commandments fold right into that. Love God above all things, and love your neighbor as yourself - - or, in the words of Jesus, love your neighbor as I have loved you. The reading even closes by tying everything back to the Trinity: “The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.”

When you have a relationship with God, what follows is an explosion of love.

The Big Bang Was an Explosion of Love

What does that explosion actually look like?

The Big Bang is the only explosion in history that created something rather than destroyed something. When you think about the universe, it was created out of an overflow of love. Not just molecules or particles combining, but an explosion of intent. I want to create. I want to give life.

One day, waiting at the airport for a brother to arrive, the image finally became clear. The gates were quiet. People were standing around, just waiting to leave. Then the gates opened, and a little girl came running out. Another little girl who had been waiting saw her, and both of them just screamed and ran straight for each other. The hug that followed was absolutely beautiful.

That was an explosion of love.

Imagine trying to describe that moment as two bodies, molecules and particles joining together to form kinetic energy. It would be technically possible and completely wrong. That was not physics. That was love.

An Unexpected Face at the Door

Last night I went to a dinner loaded down with bags. One of them broke and was spilling across the floor. And then, suddenly, there was a face that was completely unexpected. A face connected to years of working together for the kingdom of God.

Sister Lois. Standing right there in the house, as if no time had passed at all.

That moment of recognition, that sudden rush of warmth, that is what it looks like when relationship breaks through the ordinary noise of a day. It is not something you can plan. It just happens, and it reminds you of something true.

Why This All Matters

The relationships you build (at least the good and loving ones) will make you the person God created you to be. They will help you become the best version of yourself. And they will reflect God’s life in you.

We were created in the image and likeness of a God who lives in relationship within himself, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and with each and every one of us. That is not a theological abstraction. It is the most practical truth there is.

And what will be the result when we actually live it out?

An explosion of love.